"i always bei ren shuai... Den my heart always broken de... Den ish you help me heal it... Den you break it again... So now my heart cannot survie le..die le.."

A quote from my dearest one, having to read this and being stored in my brain. It makes me bleed, it makes me cry, it makes me live with it in my whole life, whether be it i am sleeping, eating, drinking, studying and even dreaming, the thoughts, the words haunts me forever. After reading this, should i have also the same feelings and thoughts of a normal human being or should i look from another angle to have a better view, but the problem is, does it have another angle?

"U noe i am sad. Why cant u just try to make me happy? In the end u oso feel sad because i am sad. This onli makes me feel more sad. Do u understand?.. Wat i wan is you to make me happy... tats all... Can you?... Wo yao kuai le... Jus gif me a smile and i will be contented le..."

Another quote which plastered across my heart. Who doesnt want to be happy? Who doesnt want to have no probelms everyday? Yes, I understand. I need to improve on my acting skills every time i meet you.

"Hahs...I jus wan to let you noe tat... Don be fierce to me or shout at me!!! I don like...Its veri scary and hurtin to me de.. I don like people to shout at me de."

Maybe I have been to fierce to you in a way, its my fault. But wanna let you know that no one loves being shout at and no one loves being left with no choices.

"Wo zui ai de ren shang wo zui shen:(nobody can heal de. Nvm. My heart is always injured de:( Xi guan jiu hao"

Left with no choices but only to cry to myself, blaming myself for the foolish mistakes i've done. Who can heal the pain that was cause by your dearest one? Maybe time can heal.

I always wanted to tell you things that I do not wish to tell you, because i believe some things that are not meant to be told, should not be told. I'm not blaming anybody here. I can feel you have been hurt. Do you know that before meeting you today, what was my feeling? I was feeling hurt and guilty. I cried, yes i did. But its not visible. Every time I raise my voice at you, I scolded myself first before scolding you.

Do you know that every time you tell me you cant call me, my heart will sink. Not even knowing whether i would be able to contact you the next day. Whether I would already be dead the very next moment. But every time you called, it would be very hard for me to put down the phone. Maybe the thought i had was to spend more time with you on the phone because of our personal busy schedule, to further understand each other. You mentioned that you are tire, I can understand that. But do you understand my feelings? Some times, I just do not wish to talk or even sms, but yet i chose to do so. I do not wish you to suspect me of being sad, so i decided to suffer in silence. You told me to tell you things that are troubling me, but i dont want to because both of us will get hurt at the end. You told me you didnt mind, but that's something i know its impossible.

Every time we would just use an excuse to cover up for what wrong we have done or some things that we didnt do on our part, but aren't excuses hurts when we ourselves know that it is an excuse?

Maybe I'm expecting too much from you, maybe i'm just typing to let out what that was inside me for a very long time. I believe nothing is going to happen even after you read this. Now I am trying to adapt to your lifestyle.Having very little to sms you, not even mentioning about meeting, I cant find other methods for us to communicate, though i really appreciate for all the journeys you had made just to accompany me.

But dont you worry, I will improve on my acting skills to be a more happy person so that you can be happy too, if you do not wish to see me sad. Words ringing in my mind every second. Crying in my soul, bleeding in my heart, what more can i do?